and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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