well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
