just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
