I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
