worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Im part way to drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
