I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
