If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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