My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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