Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
