drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?