p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk