They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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