Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize