im about as happy as oj after his trial
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
