actually, I'm a sock model
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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