ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
