Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
