Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
