Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
