You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
