He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
