she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
