there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
