if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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