fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
