I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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