He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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