Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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