Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
