Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
