sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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