i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
