One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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