It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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