Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
