After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
