Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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