you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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