Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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