i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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