How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
