why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think my mom watched the whole time
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
