I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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