If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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