So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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