Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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