I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
