be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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