I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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