mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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