I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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