I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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