We won't sleep together?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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