You just made me feel so damn special
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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