Tell her she can't have a vagina
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
