it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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