This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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