this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
