Nicole vs. Life
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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