I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
