I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My ass is underappreciated
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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